you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I pour the whiskey from now on
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
