There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
