Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
