but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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