Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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