I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
