Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
