I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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