Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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