sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
