We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
