his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
