Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I AM VODKA MAN
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
