We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
