I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
