My first STD was from a foam party
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
