sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
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