I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
