Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
