Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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