Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
