Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
