You can't motorboat a personality
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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