Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
