it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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