apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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