How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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