I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
