i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
