We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
