Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
