Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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