I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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