bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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