Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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