You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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