Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
