final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize