from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
