at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize