u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
