On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
