I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
