I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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