Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
