I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
