ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
