I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
