We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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