There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
