if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
