nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
