So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
