Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
