apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
