And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
