I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
