dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
