What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
