I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
