I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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