she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
