Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
