Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
