Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
