Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
