Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and she was petting her beer can
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
