You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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