Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize