I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
