Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
