Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
