im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I won the penis lottery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
