This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
