She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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