I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
